Giddy Tiger Eats Happy Farmers for the First Time!
by lightfox847
Summary: Julia Ramones and Eliot Priacle were once perfectly happy lovers. Well, now that Julia's found a new "boyfriend" everything's been a little messed up. Where will this unusual turn of events take these star-crossed lovers?
1. Noses of Roses

Notice: This story was written by my twin-sister, Annie. To her request, I have put it up here.

Julia was staring into space.  
No, not at anything, just... _staring._  
Eventually she rolled onto her side and gave a pathetic groan. She huffed a strand of blond hair out of her eyes and stared more.  
"Hello, Julia."  
Julia sat up stock straight. "Lovely cheeses of French Guienea Pigs!! Who-- who... Ellio."  
Elliot stood, scratching his head. Then, blushing, he held out a bouquet of flowers. "I- I got these for you."  
Julia stared, mouth agape. A sliver of drool trickled down her chin. "Ah... Ooohhmmm... ?"  
Elliot's eyes flickered around, and a befuddled smile haunting his lips. "Uh... take them."  
Julia suddenly snapped up and grabbed the flowers. Then she plunged her head in and chewed petals, thorns, and stems savagely.  
"Ju--Julia!!! Not again!"  
Julia's head popped out. "Owweee..." she moaned. Her lip was bleeding from being pricked by thorns. "I need to go to the ER!!" she screamed.  
Elliot smiled akwardly and patted her shoulder. "No, you don't. It'll just be... ouchy for a while."  
Julia suddenly started wacking herself with a piece of driftwood until she fell unconcious, then started to roll down the hill, toward the ocean. Elliot heard a splash.  
He sighed. "But now you do."


	2. Banana

Julia skipped happily down the road a few weeks later, a joyous expression on her face. Her head bounced along with the rhythm of her skipping.  
Julia thought she was being just as cute as the little girl named Eliza. Eliza always skipped like this, and everyone cooed and laughed at her sheer adorableness. Julia liked it, and had started her own skipping legacy, longing for the same attention.  
Well, she got the _attention _all right.  
Julia smiled brightly at a passerby and continued to skip. She didn't hear Gannon mutter, "Teenagers," and was rounding the corner...  
when her life was changed forever.  
There, by Chen's Shop, in a gray pail of soapy dishwater, lay the most beautiful mop she'd ever laid eyes upon. It shimmered in the sunlight, the sunlight like the yolk of an egg.  
As if in slow motion, Julia had grabbed it and still as if in slow motion dashed away with it. Then, as if in slow motion (again) Chen screamed, "JULIA!!" Well, in slow motion, it was more like, "JJJUUULLLIIIAAA!!!!!!!!" really slow, of course.  
Anyway, Chen grabbed her arm(as if in slow motion) but Julia whacked him with the mop. Then, in slow motion (I think you're catching onto the pattern) she gasped and kissed it to make it feel better. It tasted like detergent--and Julia should know but I wouldn't ask if I were you--and she licked her lips before, in you-know-what she began to sprint away.  
And you know, she may have gotten away if it hadn't just been _as _if _in slow motion.  
_Chen walked along next to her, dryly looking her over as she made huge, exaggerated pumps with her arms and her mouth open in o like a monkey's. Then, she tripped.  
Julia squinted into the sunlight at Chen's angry face. "Get up," he ordered.  
Julia got up quickly, and saluted sharply. But her mop was in that hand, and it hit Chen so hard he fainted.  
"Oh, no!" Julia cradled the mop gingerly. "I'm so sorry, Banana!" she gasped. After kissing it better (again) she raced off, and locked herself in her room back home, keeping Banana the Mop close.

It must've been a few hours at least when there was a knock at the door. Julia, who'd forgotten completely about her battle with Chen earlier, skipped to the door and opened it.  
Good thing it was only Elliot.  
"Ellio!" Julia squealed, crushing him in embrace an elephant would've been squashed by. Then, wanting to show Elliot her new "boyfriend", grabbed a squished Elliot and led him into her room.  
"Banana!" she cried. She leaped up and, expecting the mop to catch her, landed on top of it. Amazingly, it did not break but the handle slammed onto Julia's forehead, and she broke her collarbone from the fall.  
Elliot, still folded like an accordion, dragged her off to the ER... again.

A few days later, Julia and Elliot stood on a little island, free from hazards except for the surrounding water.  
"Ellio, meet my new boyfriend, Banana!" Julia squealed, showing it to him happily.  
Elliot felt replaced. By a mop, no less.  
Love is that sad, sometimes.  
Julia kissed it and twirled. "Shake his hand, Ellio!"  
Elliot took a ropey tentacle in his hand and shook it weakly.  
"No, Ellio, that's his hair!" With a screech like a condor's, Julia replaced the noodly thing with another. On this one there was a crude, sharpie made hand. Elliot smiled bluntly and shook it.  
Julia began dancing with it.  
Feeling strangely jealous, Elliot walked up to her and Banana and said, "No, Julia, you use it like this!" Then, he ripped the mop out of her hands and scrubbed it against the grass.  
Hard.  
He should've known the consequences would be severe.  
Julia was on top of him in 2 seconds flat, ripping the flesh off from around the wrist of the hand that was holding Banana hostage. Giving a yelp, Elliot threw his hand back, letting Banana fly. The mop flew all the way to the ocean and landed in it with an ugly, 'plp'.  
Julia dove after it, screaming bloody murder.  
Elliot groaned and pounded his head on the ground before, grudgingly, he dove after her.  
Like I said, love is sometimes that sad.


	3. Vaughn's Endeavors

Julia sat on a stool beside her cow, Cow. Her eyes were watery and she was bawling her head off. Beside her, Banana lay, soggy still and covered with Barbie Band-Aids. They didn't stick well, so once and a while one would fall off, and Julia would put it back on.  
"Ju... Julia... I'm sorry."  
Julia whirled to face Elliot. He this time had a bottle marked, 'MOP CARE' and some pansies tied in a pink bow. He figured he should act friendly to Banana to get closer to Julia.  
Julia's mouth watered. "Pauunnnssseeeeeessss..." she grunted dreamily, saliva trickling down her chin again. Elliot sighed; closing his eyes he said, "Please don't ea..."  
He opened his eyes; pansy petals fluttered down from Julia's chin. Currently she was choking on the pink ribbon.  
Just then a shady man entered the stables. Casually he strode to Julia and pounded her on the back. The ribbon, soaked and dripping with spit, was flicked onto Elliot's head. He tried to hide a shudder as drippy dribble oozed down to greet him face to... spit-bubble.  
"Cuz!" Julia gave Vaughn a huge, sploshy hug.  
Vaughn shoved her away, shouting in disgust. "Julia! I-I'm not you're cousin," he lied.  
Julia looked stunned. Her mouth gaped open. "You're not?" she asked dazedly.  
Vaughn rolled his eyes, and turned to Elliot, ignoring Julia's blubbering in the background. "So, chump, watcha doing here?" Then with a sly, amused expression, he jerked his finger back to Julia. "You visiting _her?"  
_Elliot stood up straight, trying to smooth out his nasally voice. "Wouldn't you like to know?"  
Vaughn snickered. "Heh, only an idiot would even try to get her attention, man." Then he strode to the door.  
Elliot bristled.  
"Wait!" Julia grabbed Vaughn's arm and stared up at him. "You aren't my cousin?"  
Vaughn reeled away angrily. "Of course I'm not, stupid! I have to go see Sabrina." He started to blush.  
Julia didn't get it. "But mommy said cousin was coming!" she whined, stomping her foot.  
Vaughn growled. "C'mon, you're the most embarrassing person I know!" he shouted. "Lemme go!"  
Julia started to wail. "MOMMY IS NEVER WRONG!" she screamed. She started to try to bite Vaughn.  
"You are so stupid! Get off!"  
"Ah, Vaughn, you're- Julia, what are you doing?" Mirabelle shrieked, watching her attack Vaughn. "That's no way to treat your cousin!"  
Julia blinked.  
"Cousin!" she squealed.  
The biting transformed into her infamous elephant-killing hugs.  
Vaughn growled and lugged her off. "We're going to force a little bit of brain into your empty shell of a head," he said, grinding his teeth together.  
"Even if things get messy."

"Okay, Julia! To start things off we're going to take a math test! If you succeed in getting a 10% or higher, you get to eat 2 pansies!" Vaughn started cheerily, a great big (not to mention 100% fake) smile on his face to mask his inner annoyance and fury. Julia sat obediently on a stool, looking lovingly upon the pansies gripped in Vaughn's fingerless-gloved hand. "Paaauuunnnssiiieeeessss..." she chanted, more drool trickling down.  
"All right." Vaughn held up four fingers. "How many?"  
Julia gave him a look that made her look constipated.  
Vaughn warded off his bad side (which was scarier than Julia's hugs, for the record) and smiled again. It was already unnatural for Vaughn to smile in the slightest, but he was rarely more desperate. He flicked down one finger. "How many now?"  
Julia started whimpering and sank down on the stool.  
Another finger flecked down. "_Now?"  
_Julia made a wild grab for the whole bouquet of pansies.  
Vaughn got desperate. "No! Just...! How many?" He now only held up one finger.  
Julia bit down hard.  
Vaughn, screaming, yanked it away. "Sit down or no pansies ever!" he howled.  
Julia scrambled to the stool obediently and sat down.  
Vaughn took a deep breath and mustered a cheesy smile. "Okay, since that obviously won't work, how about we play a game," he said calmly.  
Julia clapped and squealed, "A game! A game!"  
Vaughn waited till she quieted down, then held up four fingers again. "Now, think real hard and start counting up or down," he instructed patiently. Julia whimpered again, and he reworded. "Okay, choose from either 1, 2, 3, or 4. I will tell you if you're getting hotter or colder, and if you succeed, you get... 10 pansies," he explained carefully. It was fool-proof. What could go wrong?  
Julia sounded very avid. She began, "One..."  
"Warm..."  
Encouraged, Julia thought a bit more, then said, "Two..."  
"Getting hotter..."  
"Three..."  
"You're hot! You're hot!" Vaughn cried jubilantly. He could already taste victory...  
Unfortunately, Sabrina had walked by, wondering where he was. He was supposed to pick her up and they were going to go out to dinner. Then she saw him and Julia, which was wrong looking enough because she didn't know that they were cousins. But what stung her worst was Vaughn's loud proclamation:  
"You're hot, Julia! Super hot!"  
Sabrina burst into tears and dashed away in a flurry of tears.  
Vaughn saw and instantly his triumphalism died away. "Sabrina!" he cried. "It's not what-we're related!"  
Several onlookers looked extremely disturbed.  
Vaughn panicked. "I was trying to make her not stupid!" he screeched lamely. Then he looked at Julia through a red haze of hatred and anger. "You fail! No pansies ever again!" he screamed, then took off after Sabrina.  
"Four!" Julia had closed her eyes and totally tuned out everything, and now she opened her eyes and looked around. "Vaughn... cuzzy?"  
Her worry faded away completely when she spotted the pansies. With a howl of delight, she dove in, then fainted into a pansy coma.


	4. Pansy Coma Recovery Is Not a Good Thing

The pansy coma had disturbing and frightening effects on poor, stupid Julia.  
The first day she insisted that she was a monkey from The Happy Rain forest and worked as a clown at the circus.  
The second day she thought she was in Ponyville dining with Pinkie Pie and Sunny Daze.  
The third day she got out of her hospital bed (she should've been in an asylum) and dancing like a drunk Mexican.  
The next she started hailing chickens and refused to see anyone unless they first strutted around like one and bocked.  
The next she thought she was a fly and ran screaming from anything and anyone.  
The next she started to act like a gypsy, draped herself in curtains, and started yodeling in a masculine voice.  
The last day was the creepiest.  
She thought everything and everyone was a pansy and tried to eat them.


	5. Banana's Last Flight

A few days after Julia recovered from her pansy coma side effects, she was hyper and cheerful as always. Elliot saw her skipping giddily away from the clinic, her mother trailing her and looking at her daughter as if she needed to be in a mental home.  
Elliot smiled. _Well, at least __Julia__'s _my _mental case.  
_Then he saw Banana, sweet, perfect Banana, one of his noodly tentacles burying Julia's lips.  
Elliot nearly screamed. He was being schooled by a mop.  
What a sad life.  
Poor guy.  
Or not, because at that moment an ugly scheme of revenge formed in his mind.

That night, Julia hot glued her lips to Banana's (one would think that mops don't have lips but... ah, well. I digress...).  
Her mother's reaction was terrible.  
"JULIA, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU NAUGHTY IDIO- SWEET, INNOCENT DAUGHTER?" Mirabelle screamed.  
"Ah ho oo un mah lis oo anana's," Julia replied through mopness.  
"Julia, sweetie, that's nasty, dear... Get it off," Mirabelle responded disgustedly.  
Julia gave a screech. "O!"  
Mirabelle reeled. "Oka... oh, what am I going to do with you?" She left hurriedly, unable to stand being with her daughter any longer.  
Julia giggled flirtatiously at Banana.

"All right, lil' lady." Gannon took hold of Banana that night while Julia drooled on her couch. "This might hurt a bit, but it's for the better."  
He ripped off Banana.  
"Don't take my pony, dear Johnny! It'll poop on the carpet!" Julia shrieked, still asleep. Then she smiled and tittered. "Good thing it tastes like chocolate rainbows and pretty pudding."  
Gannon shuddered, tentatively set Banana down, and fled, screaming.  
It was not the most beautiful thing one could see.

It was midnight (note to aspen: or should it be 12 in the afternoon? XD) before Elliot silently (hehehe... maayybee not so silently) broke into Mirabelle and Julia's home, taking care not to tread on the creaky floor. The floor obviously hated him and he managed to step on the creakiest spots. He hissed at it, told it heatedly to be quiet, and stomped on it for being bad.  
It gave the loudest creak he'd ever heard.  
"WWHHHOZZERE! THIEF! YOU WILL NEVER TAKE MY HORSEY!"  
Suddenly something hot was sprayed in face. He gave a startled scream and fell onto Banana, breaking him in two.  
Victory had only just started.  
Elliot hid Banana from a still snoring Julia.  
"E... Elliot...? What are you doing here? It's past 12 at night." Mirabelle looked guilty, clutching a can of cooking spray.  
Elliot straightened, Banana's two pieces tightly clutched in his fist. "Me? Here? No. I was never here. Nice painting. Nice not to be here. Ta ta." Elliot bolted out the door.  
Isn't he so subtle?

"Okay, Banana. Say goodbye. Bwahahahaha! So evil!" Elliot cackled. He strapped Banana's two pieces on a huge slingshot and let them fly.  
He got so overexcited he fell over the cliff (note 4 aspen: CLIFF! SO... DREAMY...*swoons*), surviving but breaking his collarbone.  
"Victory!" he cried weakly.


	6. Julia Goes Mad

"AAAHHH!"  
Julia wailed when she awoke the next morning.  
Mirabelle came running. "What is it? Is your diaper wet again?"  
Julia's eyes darted around guiltily before she wailed, "Banana's MISSING!"  
Mirabelle coughed concealingly.  
Julia didn't take it to be suspicious and began whacking herself with her Hello Kitty dolls and coloring books singing the barney theme song, then tried to pick up her bed to kill herself with. When that didn't work, she ran on all fours into it until she had a bump so big on her head that it belonged in a cartoon. Then she ran rabid through the house, tearing things down and screaming, "BARNEY HAS A CRUSH ON BARBIE! BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ORANGE PEARS IN THE GRAND CANYON? OH, THOSE COWBOY EATING SLUG BUTTERFLIES? THEY LIKE TO POOP ON RAINBOWS, NOT TOILERETTES! BUT OF COURSE, PINKIE PIE PONY STILL LIKES TO HAVE HAPPY TEA PARTIES WITH DANDELION SNOZZLES. I AM A SCARY SCARY SPIDER NAMED HAPPYBLOSSOM! FFFEEEAAARRR MMMEEE!"  
"PLEASE, SOMEONE PUT MY DAUGHTER IN A MENTAL HOME!" Mirabelle screamed.

Elliot, still in the hospital, was very surprised when Julia came to visit him.  
"Ellio... there is some very bad news." Julia took a shuddering breath.  
"Don't tell me," Elliot trembled.  
"Okay!" Julia sat there, drooling like a happy shaved poodle until Elliot finally said, "Ok, tell me."  
"I went poo poo in my diaper again today," Julia wailed.  
Elliot swallowed. "So... Banana's ok?" he hinted lamely.  
Julia's eyes widened. "Banana's not ok?" She looked around frantically. "Where Banana?"  
Julia truly did have a very very very very very very bad memory. And i mean a _really bad memory._  
"BANANA!" Julia screeched. "THIS IS NOT A GOOD HIDE AND SEEK GAMEY!" Then she added, "Banana loves dat game. Not as much as he loves me, but, still." Then she looked around the hospital room screaming for Banana.  
Any guilt Elliot might have felt melted away.  
Julia eventually stopped moving completely. Then she began to meditate, then said, "this isn't my rainbow." Then she turned around and she smiled. "Ellio! I was looking for you!"  
Do you see my point?  
"Oh, hi." Elliot smiled faintly.  
Suddenly Julia's face contorted in rage. "THAT MY BEDd!" She shoved Elliot out of it, then wiggled down into it.  
Elliot sighed, and began to leave.  
Suddenly, Julia gasped.  
Elliot turned around for the biggest surprise of his life.  
Julia's face was different. She was staring at him.  
"Elliot! You destroyed Banana, didn't you?" she accused in an English accent. "You were jealous, perhaps? Maybe, holding a grudge?"  
Elliot stared at her, mouth agape.  
Julia went on. "You must have! How could i ever have been so blind!" she cried. "My eyes were shut so tightly! My darling Banana! How could I ever do this to you-!"  
And then the real Julia returned. Drool trickled down her chin.  
"Hello Ellio," she said in her regular stupid drawl. "You bring me pansies?"  
Elliot fainted.


	7. Leeches

Banana lay, half covered in debris, in the bottom of the ocean.  
A fish swimming by gasped and covered him in fish kisses.  
He's a _HUNK. _

" !" Julia screamed. She thought it was singing, while her mother was trying to get a hold of an asylum.  
At last every last glass window on the island shattered. Ganon screamed like a little girl and grabbed Eliza. Then he dashed to Julia's home with his axe and waved it savagely, screeching, "STOP THAT HORRIBLE UNEARTHLY NOISE!"  
Julia stopped and squealed, "Doggie!" Then she threw her arms around his neck and blubbered happily.  
Ganon screamed and begged for mercy. "I promise to be good," he sobbed. "Promise!"  
Vaughn walked by, Sabrina by his side. She'd finally believed his explanation and they were boyfriend and girlfriend again.  
Julia stopped killing Ganon and screamed, "Pansey giving cousin!" She hurled her arms around his neck.  
Sabrina ran bawling.  
"Sabrina! Get off you leech!"  
Julia stopped and her eyes widened. "I a leech?" Then a huge smile erupted across her face. "LEECH! LEECH!" She started to dance and on all fours.  
Then she saw it. A small group of small children, departing from a boat. A young woman lead them.  
Field Trip.  
Julia dashed for them with her hands out wide, singing so as to impress them.  
The little kids turned and squawled.  
One little girl clung to her teacher, frightened. "I wanna go home!"  
"The island is haunted!"  
"It's a zombie!"  
"It's trying to kill us!"  
"Kids! Quiet down," their teacher soothed.  
Julia halted at the teacher's side, panting like a rabid dog.  
"And who are you?" the teacher asked sweetly.  
"I LEECH."  
"uh...


	8. The Miraclous, Infamous Return of Julia

Exactly a week after her departure, Julia returned to Sunny Islands with her true love, Banana, in one piece once again. She had hitched a ride with a friendly whale (who may or may not have been threatened with one of Julia's bear hugs should he have refused to get her back home) and flopped dramatically onto the beach upon arrival. Giving a scream of delight, she started rolling around in the sand and singing/ screaming out the Pokémon theme song. When she finally came to a stop, she looked like a snowman... minus the snow.  
She hugged Banana and sighed happily, staring up at the sun until she began seeing little dots. "Home, Banana!" she squealed, holding him up above her. "Isn't home great?"  
She tossed him up in the air, preparing to catch him, but she missed and he smacked into her face.  
"Bananaaaaa!" she wailed, throwing him off of her and bursting into tears. "I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH!" She glowered at him with eyes full of tears. She pointed at her forehead, where if you looked REALLY closely, squinted your left eye, and tilted your head at a perfect ninety-degree angle, you might see a speck of blood.  
Banana's runny eyes-barely visible after subjected to a month under the sea-stared back at her blankly.  
"Banana, how could you be so UNCARING?" Julia screamed, pointing a finger at you (XD I mean him).  
(I was just overcome with an image of a Julia poster: "Julia wants YOU! To eat pansies!" ...I'm a little slap-happy right now... but then again, I always am when I write this stuff.)  
Charlie, who happened to be wandering by, spotted sand-covered Julia screaming at Banana and nearly peed himself.  
"IT'S A MONSTER!" he screamed, rooted to the spot with absolute terror.  
Julia twirled around and looked Charlie over. "Small child?" she chirruped, forgetting that she had been shouting at Banana. "Small child!" She liked small children. She held out her arms for a hug and asked eagerly, "You bring me pansies?"  
Charlie screamed hysterically and started to sprint down the street. Julia grabbed Banana and galloped after him, howling, "NO, SMALL CHILD, NO!"  
Charlie thought that he was going to die. He saw his life flash before his eyes, but he hadn't lived for very long and he couldn't remember a lot of it so he had to do a couple of reruns.  
Julia powered through the streets, wailing for 'small child' to hurry back and bring her hugs and pansies. She couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't want to gallop across her rainbow because it was the best place in the world, and she figured that if she could just get Small Child # 2 (there were two little children on the island, which made the future population of Sunny Islands look not-so-sunny) to stop running away from her, she could get him to see and they would be best friends forever. The thought made her run faster.  
Several onlookers sneaked peeks out of their windows and wondered how such a little boy with such stubby little legs could outrun the insane Ramones chick.  
Charlie pumped those little legs for all he was worth. His teary eyes locked onto his house just around the corner. If he could reach it, he would be safe. His daddy would teach the scary monster a lesson.  
As they reached the bend, Julia made a grab for Charlie. Charlie hurled himself to the side and both of them toppled, hitting the ground. Julia screamed bloody murder, staring at her scraped arm, and glared hurtfully at Small Child # 2. "BAD DOGGIE!" she hollered, flopping her arm around in the air like a fish. "IMMA BLEED TO DEATH!"  
"GO AWAY!" Charlie wailed back, clambering to his feet and lurching at his house. He was two inches from safety, when...  
"Banana, _stop him!_" Julia cried, hurling Banana at the child. The mop sailed through the air gracefully (sorta kinda) and collided with Charlie in the back of the head. Squeaking in pain, Charlie tripped and face planted on the cobblestone street.  
Chen heard the commotion and raced into the threshold of his shop, staring with bulging eyes at the scene before him. His son was lying facedown on the ground, crying, and Julia was stooped over him, collecting Banana and preparing to give Small Child # 2 the Bear Hug of Best Friendness.  
"Charlie! Julia!" His look of fury drained into one of confusion. He gestured to Banana and asked, "Is that my mop?"  
Julia held Banana close and snarled, "NO, he's MINE! My PREEECIOUS." Stroking Banana, she backed away slowly. She flicked her eyes down at Charlie, lamenting the fact she had no time to give him his hug. Promising herself she WOULD return, she bolted across the street.  
Chen watched her go, staring and rubbing his eyes in disbelief. "The people you meet these days," he muttered, and stooped to tend to his son.

Hunched in his house across the street, Pierre sat in the darkest corner in his kitchen and cradled the phone between his jaw and shoulder. He couldn't stop flicking his eyes around suspiciously, expecting someone to jump out at him, but the only thing that he saw was his own face, reflected in the numerous mirrors. He hated these phone calls.  
The phone rang a few times, and then was picked up. "Hello?" a voice on the other side of the line said.  
"Angelo!" Pierre hissed.  
"Pierre? Was that last shipment all right?"  
"ALL RIGHT?" Pierre quickly lowered his voice. "_All right?" _He could hardly contain his anger. "_You _tell me, _Angelo."  
"_Um..."  
"Any GUESSES, Angelo?"

"Fine, I'll answer for you!" Pierre grabbed the phone and screamed, "IT WAS ALL OMELET RICE, YOU IDIOT!"  
"Hey, hey, Pierre," Angelo said coldly. "You never made any _preferences. _The deal is, I make the food, you make my carvings. Besides, you aren't holding up your end of the deal. The statue of our mayor is just sitting here, _Gourmet, _collecting dust.People, they're getting suspicious."  
Pierre growled. The truth was, he couldn't cook to save his life. His parents rejected him for this, calling him a disgrace to the family name, and he came here hoping to escape this shame and pursue his dream: carving-particularly small dolls for little girls. But the people here had heard of his family and had gone as far as setting him up his own kitchen hoping for the tasty foods that his relatives made. He didn't want to get kicked out, but what could he do?  
And then, one day, he met a guy on Facebook that had the same problem... only with carving. It was perfect! They made a deal: Angelo would make the food and ship it over, and Pierre would make wooden stuff (XD) and ship it over to HIM. Perfect- except stupid Angelo had to go and have the mayor ask him to make him a life-sized STATUE of him, and he was a big guy. It would be too hard and too conspicuous to ship it, so Pierre had to travel all the way over there and work on it, which interfered with his schedule (admire himself, dirty up all of his pots and pans so that it would look like he had been cooking, wander around "gathering ingredients", admire himself again, carve, admire himself etc.). It was so hard being Pierre.  
"And you don't think that having only OMELET RICE in stock ISN'T suspicious? You're such a PANSY, Angelo."  
Julia, who had been running by to hide from Chen, overheard "pansy" and grew excited. Wasn't this Purple Cookie's house? Eager, she tried the handle. It was locked. Frustrated, she pounded on the door and shrieked, "Purple Cooookie!"  
Pierre jumped violently, losing his grip on the phone. It bounced to the floor, dropping his call.  
Julia grew impatient and skipped over to the window. Smashing her face against the glass, she hollered, "PURPLE COOKIE MAKE ME PANSY PIE?"  
Pierre screamed and ran into his room, locking the door and jumping into his bed. He through the covers over his head and whimpered out a few lines of "What a Wonderful World" to block out Julia's screeching.  
At that moment, Elliot wandered by, drawn to the area by the sound of screaming from the Great Charlie Chase. He spotted Julia with her face mushed up against Pierre's window and raised an eyebrow.  
"Julia, what are you doi... Julia! You're back!" Elliot smiled widely. Julia was back, and with Banana gone...  
Julia whirled and beamed. "Ellio!" She whipped out Banana. "Guess who I found!"  
Elliot gaped at Banana. "How-what-why-I hate my life." Head drooped, he slouched away.  
Poor guy.


	9. LIGHTBULB

Elliot was going crazy. The one girl that he'd liked in all of his life, and this stupid MOP was suddenly dominating her attention. How was this possible?  
Elliot stomped over to the beach, kicking a rock. But the rock skittered out of his reach and in his attempt to recover it he tripped over his own feet, landing on the rock and nearly leaving himself with a permanent dent in his face. He sat up, rubbing his forehead and whimpering, then realized that his glasses were cracked. Great. Just another reason that today stank like poop-covered skunks that had been dead for three months.  
Angry at himself, Julia, the world, and above all BANANA THE MOP, Elliot stood and full-out ran to the beach. Clouds swallowed the sun and burped out rain (what cute personification! But my stomach hurts and I'm tired. X3) all over "Sunny" Islands, but Elliot didn't care. He continued to the beach and when he reached it he cupped his hands around his mouth and screamed, "I'M IN LOVE WITH A GIRL WHO LOVES A FREAKING MOP!" until his throat ached and he could barely make a sound. Then he sank to his knees and thought while the rain pounded complicated rhythms into the sand around him.  
It wasn't as if Julia had ALWAYS been crazy. She hadn't been born that way. (People rarely are.) Just last year, she had been a perfectly normal teenager, his best friend, in fact.  
And then... and then... Elliot struggled to recall. What had made her change?  
At that moment, everything surged back. And a terrible realization slammed down on top of him.  
Last year, Chen's prize-winning mop had been burned. Chen had been devastated-that mop had been his it had been around, he'd been slightly crazy, claiming to love it even more than his son. (Poor, neglected little Charlie... but why else would he spend all of his time at Eliza's house, especially since she has a father vaguely resembling an ape?)  
The "slightly crazy" turned into "really really REALLY crazy" very fast, and soon, he was swearing that the mop...  
Talked to him.  
Played with him.  
The mop was his FRIEND.  
When the mop had been burned in an almost-seemingly-suspicious bonfire where Gannon, Eliza, and Charlie may have possibly been present, the man had been beside himself with grief. He held a funeral for its pathetic little ash pile and everything. Elliot shuddered. No one had shopped at his store for, like, a year. They were all afraid that Chen had some sort of communicable crazy disease.  
Anyway, Chen was crazy depressed for about a week.  
And then he woke up one day and was... normal.  
As in, NORMAL normal. He couldn't remember the past months that he had spent with his "wonderful" mop. He also couldn't figure out why everyone was so scared of him for awhile.  
But he did know that he needed a mop, and by golly, he ordered one.  
That had been, what, a few months ago? Elliot squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. The mop had arrived within the last three months... which was about the same time that Julia started acting...weird. It was like one day she was herself-funny, happy, animal-loving, thoughtful, spacey, NORMAL-and the next, she was seeing things, saying things, doing things that weren't... her. It always got worse when they were around Chen's shop...  
That's when 2 and 2 clicked. Elliot yelped and leaped to his feet. That MOP had turned her crazy!  
His mind whirled with confusion. How could a mop turn someone crazy? It wasn't possible, was it?  
Elliot shook his head, sending water splattering all over. There was only one thing to do... it was time to talk to Chen.

Chen looked up, surprised to see any costumers with such a heavy storm outside. He cringed as Elliot dripped all over the floor.  
"I really need a new mop," he muttered, wondering why he kept losing his cleaning tools.  
"Actually," Elliot said, squinting so as to better see Chen without his glasses, "that's why I'm here." He plodded inside and slammed his fist down on top of the desk so hard that the brittle thing broke and he fell forward into it.  
Chen leaped up. "Elliot, what's wrong with you?" he yelped. "What was that for?"  
Elliot sat up, grimacing as he eyed the three hundred slivers up his arm. "I, uh, just wanted to look cool," he admitted, shuffling to his feet. He stared at the pile of wood that had once been a desk and cleared his throat. "I'll pay for that."  
Chen folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. "This had better be good," he growled.  
Elliot straightened up. "Don't worry, it is." He stared the merchant straight in the eye. "What company did you get your mop from?" he asked very, very seriously.  
Chen gaped at him, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. Finally, he spluttered, "THAT'S why you came in here and messed up my store?"  
Elliot shrank in on himself and mumbled, "Uh, I, uh, um, that's right."  
Chen turned red, then purple, and then some other color that Elliot couldn't name. Finally, the man let out a strangled noise and calmed.  
"I ordered my mop from a company called Happy Squiggle Mops," he muttered.  
Elliot nodded. "Have you ordered from there more than once?"  
"Yes. Twice. The other time was the mop before the one Julia abducted." He said "Julia" the way you might say "Someone just peed all over my chocolate cake." Then he frowned and squinted one of his eyes, as if trying to remember something. "Funny... I'm not sure what happened to that one. I remember seeing it for the first time, and everything's a little fuzzy after that." He shrugged and his glare returned.  
"Happy now?"  
Elliot nodded.  
"Then get out before you ruin the rest of my store."  
Followed by Chen's glower, Elliot hurried out the door and into the street. Lightening flashed across the sky, and thunder roared right after it. Elliot cringed. He hated storms. When he was younger he used to hide under the bed when they occurred. His mind drifted back one of the storms in his past. Julia had been over; he remembered that they had been messing around in the kitchen or something when there was a clap of thunder so forceful and close it shook the entire house. It had taken every inch of willpower in him (which wasn't a whole lot) to keep from crying like a dying baby hyena and running to his room.  
Julia had known he was afraid. She had pretended like she didn't, but he knew that she knew. (Weird sentence. XD) She told him stories and jokes, made up stupid but strangely fun games that took his mind off of the storm. Elliot bit the inside of his cheek. _This is just another game, _he told himself. _It's called the Save Julia From an Evil Mop She Just So Happens to be In Love With for Some Odd Reason game. _  
And with that, he set off to prepare.


	10. The Final Showdown, Cowboy Style

Approximately two hours, Elliot was fully equipped for battle with a first aid kit, a bottle of toothpaste, a coloring book, a lighter, a ruler, a pocket knife, a _butter _knife, a teacup, three matches, bug spray, a clay model of a bird that Natalie had made when she'd been five, and several buttons. Stashing it all in a super old and dorky backpack that none of his family would miss (it had first been a blue backpack of Elliot's, but he'd drawn all over it; then, when Natalie had gotten it, she'd taken a liking to throwing it around and tried spray painting it an odd mixture of purple, gray, and yellow, turning it a horrifying shade of cat-throw-up), he hefted it onto his back and started his long and perilous journey around the block.  
Eliza skipped by, saw his backpack, and burst into tears at the very color. Gannon came running to see what had upset his daughter and nearly went blind. Elliot decided that this was a good thing, as it would be useful and burning his enemies' sharpied-on eyes.  
If sharpied-on eyes CAN burn, which could prove as a dilemma.  
He continued marching until he realized he had no idea where he was marching to and everyone had run inside to escape him, sure that he had gotten whatever had Julia had.  
"Oops," he said.  
He found himself on the beach, the sun lighting the sand and making his eyes hurt. The waves purred against the land, stroking away handfuls of rocks and little animals that seemed to almost be screaming for mercy. The salty wind made him sneeze. Repeatedly.  
"Oh, my banana lies not in the ocean, and he smells like fluffy beets. I like pears dipped in butterfly laughsisesesses... Ellio? Why you sneeze lots?"  
It was Julia. She was dragging her butt along the beach, holding Banana high above her head like a... a mop. Elliot stared at it for a long time and reached for his backpack.  
He thought over lines he'd heard on tv, trying to think of something cool to say before trying to destroy the stupid mop. Its eyes seemed to watch him.  
Julia frowned and stood up, wagging her butt as if to get the sand off. "Why are you looking mean at Banana?" she asked, concerned.  
"I am your father!" he replied in a moment of stupidity.  
Julia stared. Her eyes widened.  
She threw back her head and bellowed very masculine-y, "DDDAAAADDDEEEHHHH!"  
Hurling Banana behind her, she lurched at Elliot, who screamed and started flapping his hands. Then he realized that Banana was lying there, abandoned, and he grinned.  
"Yes, Daddy!" he said, his arms open wide. He was planning on ducking away and running madly for Banana, but he realized that he really did want Julia to hug him.  
Later, he told himself. After her hugs didn't threaten to squeeze out his guts through his nose.  
He ducked backwards, landed heavily on his behind, and scrambled out of the way just in time. Julia ran... and ran... and ran down the beach, apparently not noticing that "Daddy" was no longer in her path of destruction. Halfway through, she started to skip, "sing", and kick up sand. This caused her to get sand in her eyes, and she plopped down right where she was and began to bawl.  
"Right," Elliot muttered. Then he charged at Banana.  
He knew that the mop was somehow alive, but it still scared the living crap out of him when it rose on its pole and screamed in a low voice. "_No hurt Juia," _he moaned.  
Elliot stopped in his tracks, screamed, and ran backwards. Then he realized that wasn't right and turned back around.  
Dropping to the ground, he fumbled through his pack, looking for the pocket knife. Unfortunately, he found the butter knife instead and by that time Banana was nearly on top of him. Throwing a nearby rock at the evil mop to distract him, he grabbed his backpack and leaped back to his feet.  
"Now, Banana," he said as sinisterly as a nasally voice can manage, "you will die a seriously long and painful death by butter knife." He whipped it around in a way that was supposed to be frightening. The mop didn't even bat an eye. It really couldn't, but it wouldn't have even if it could've.  
By this time, Julia had turned around and seen Elliot and Banana fighting. Screaming, she got to her feet and galloped towards them. "NO! TAKE TURNS! BE NICE! BAD APPLES! _BAD APPLES!"  
_She leaped for Elliot, who thought fast and whipped out the coloring book. "Tasty coloring book! Fun coloring book! Look, it has Pinkie Pie in it," he said temptingly, wiggling it around.  
Julia stopped dead and stared at it longingly. "Uhhh... huuhhhh..."  
"Go fetch it!" he said in a sugary voice, and threw it. Julia woofed and got down on her hands and knees, then started after it enthusiastically. Unfortunately, he hadn't been keeping an eye on the mop and next thing he knew his face was engulfed in tentacles.  
"Gaaahhh!" Elliot shoved the knife backwards, missed, and fell back on the mop's pole. Both fell; Elliot felt a snap and rolled away from Banana to see his handle broken near the bottom. The mop screeched and swayed back to his feet. Er, pole. Er... well, you know.  
"Ellio," Julia complained, stabbing the coloring book, "no crayons."  
Elliot had thought that she would try to eat it, not color it, but she probably wanted to color it first. She had a strange obsession with eating crayons lately.  
Unfortunately, he had no crayons.  
"Uh, uh-" He reached wildly into his pack while circling Banana. "Use these." He threw the matches in Julia's direction. Her eyes lit up.  
Never  
ever  
give matches  
to  
Julia.  
In the heat of battle, Elliot had forgotten to think of this very important tidbit of information and forgot about it promptly after the throw. He feinted a lunge at Banana, then lowered his head and charged. Banana hopped to the side and Elliot fell on his face.  
Banana laughed.  
Elliot ripped his head out of the sand and glared at the mop. "Ha ha."  
"Ellio..."  
"WHAT?" Elliot was getting very impatient with Julia.  
That was when he smelled smoke.  
He and Banana whirled on Julia, who was scrubbing the match furiously against the coloring book and whining, "These are bad crayons." Smoke curled from the top and then with a snap lit on fire. Julia shrieked and threw the match on the ground, then reached for another. The fire didn't go out, just grew.  
"Julia, NO!" Elliot lurched forward and grabbed the match, frantically trying to blow it out. For some stupid reason it wouldn't.  
_Crackle. _"No! Bad crayon!" Julia tossed the next match over her shoulder, and Elliot barely caught it. "Julia, stop it!"  
"NO, I NEED CRAYONS," she shouted, grabbing another. Banana stood quite a ways away, then took a little hop backwards.  
Elliot snatched up the matches and ran for the ocean, but tripped and let the matches fly. By some miracle, they landed on Banana and the mop screamed as his tentacles lit on fire.  
Julia dropped the coloring book. "Banana!" she cried.  
Elliot stopped short, not quite believing his luck.  
He really couldn't believe it when the thrashing mop charged and head-butted him right in the, well, butt.  
And his butt lit on fire.  
Elliot swore that he jumped all the way to the orange sky. He screamed like a very small girl and ran around like a chicken with his head cut off. Julia giggled and clapped her hands, watching Banana chase the flaming boy around. "Tag!" she squealed, then began to run around and scream, too.  
People peeked out of their windows to see what was wrong, and promptly slammed them shut, fainted, and/or ran to hide themselves and their children under the beds.

In the middle of the ocean, Denny brought up another empty line and frowned. "Still no fish," he marveled to himself. "I wonder what's going on?"

Elliot didn't know what to do. He was being chased by a flaming mop, his butt was on fire, and Julia was now shrieking with laughter and joining the chase.  
Then he hit on an idea.  
He ran down the dock, and, followed by Banana and Julia, jumped into the ocean.  
For one, glorious moment, he felt the fire eating away his pants die.  
And then he remembered that he didn't know how to swim.  
Nevertheless, he hit the surface, blubbering and trying to doggie paddle. Julia surfaced next to him, coughing like she had inhaled gallons of water. Somehow he managed to get them both back onto the deck.  
They sat on their hands and knees, coughing and shivering. At one point Julia glanced down at his butt and giggled in delight. "Elliot it a princess," she said.  
Elliot felt his face blush and turned to see his bright pink undies blaring back at him, adorned with Disney princesses. His grandpa had bought them for his birthday and he had to admit they were comfy.  
Now was not the time to reflect on such things. The two of them hurried down the dock and were about halfway down when suddenly Banana rose from the waves and let out an earsplitting scream. He was very, very angry.  
Julia turned and smiled widely. "Banana!" she squealed, and started skipping towards him.  
"Julia, _no!_" Elliot yelped, running after her, but it was no use... she was fast, and Banana was moving closer, closer...  
And then there was a low grumble.  
Everyone froze. Julia frowned, then looked at Elliot. "Ellio, it someone hungry?" she inquired. "I has pansies. Not for you though."  
"Uh," Elliot said. "That wasn't me."  
Julia's frown deepened. "Noes?" She turned. "Banana?"  
He made a sound that might have meant "no."  
Julia put her hands on her hips. "Well, SOMEONE is hungry!" she said petulantly.  
As if on cue, the biggest, most vicious fish anyone had ever seen rose from the waves, roaring. You see, when Banana left them, the fish of the sea got very angry. They ordered their king to track the mop down and make him pay for leaving them in their conference that day.  
And the Fish King was very happy to oblige.  
Banana slowly turned. Elliot grabbed Julia's hand and half-dragged her down the dock, away from the mop and the monster fish.  
Their eyes locked.  
And then the fish descended upon Banana and opened his mouth. There was a terrible crunch and both vanished. The impact rattled the entire dock and sent the two humans sprawling. Elliot hit his head on a rock, unfortunately, felt his mind go blurry.  
Julia was back on her feet in seconds. "BANANA, NOOOO!" she screamed. A resonating burp filled the air, and then Elliot was out.


	11. A Certain Fisher Gets What She Deserves

"Elliot? Elliot! Are you okay? What the heck happened to you?"  
The voice sounded as if it were floating in space.  
"Seriously, you idiot, wake up!"  
Elliot tilted his head and grumbled, batting the hand on his forehead away. He felt like he was on fire.  
Then he remembered actually being on fire and jolted awake with a ragged gasp.  
Julia's face came into view, looking confused and extremely concerned. "Uh, Elliot? Are you okay?"  
"I-I-" He stared at her as if she were crazy instead of sane again. "WHAT?"  
Julia smiled hesitantly. "What what?"  
Elliot laughed nervously and touched the bump on his head. "Must've gotten hit harder than I thought," he mumbled. Then he looked up. "Or..."  
He scrambled back to his feet and ran to the dock, which had a huge chunk ripped out of it. There was a tendril of mop tentacle floating on the top of the water.  
Giddy with triumph, Elliot leaned down and ripped it from the water. Holding it above him jubilantly, he shouted, "YEEAAAHHH! IN YOUR STUPID LITTLE _FACE, _BANANA THE MOP!" while performing a little dance.  
Julia watched, very, very disturbed. The last thing she remembered was seeing the new mop that Chen had ordered. And then, well... here she was, watching Elliot dance around like a crazy person. Of course, she had to give him credit; that bump was really bad.  
"Elliot, stop it. You'll hurt yourself," she said gently, walking over to him and touching his arm.  
He looked at her, startled, and then smiled sheepishly and lowered the string. His face was slightly red.  
"Uh, so..." He dropped the piece of mop and regarded her hesitantly. "How do you... feel?" he prompted.  
Julia smiled back. "That's my line," she remarked, indicating to the bump on his head. "But... I'm fine," she added after seeing his look.  
"Do you... feel like you're, oh, I dunno... forgetting something?" he prodded.  
She frowned. "Well, yeah. How did you know?" Then the furrow of her brow smoothed as she smiled. "Well, you are my best friend. You know everything."  
Elliot beamed.  
She giggled and kissed his cheek, then took his hand. "Come on... let's get you something for that bump, okay? I'm pretty sure that my mom has something."  
Elliot was so happy that he didn't realize that Mirabelle may be a little perplexed by her daughter's sudden change. Perplexed, but relieved to be sure.

Lanna stomped down the beach, furious. She'd been fishing _all day, _and she hadn't even gotten a single bite! This peeved her off immensely, and she felt like doing something vicious. Maybe steal Chelsea's boyfriend or something. After all, he was super hot.  
She wheeled around toward the direction of Denny's house.  
That was when she saw the shipment boat. A few sailors were unpacking the orders that had been placed the previous week.  
Eager to see if her fishing pole was among the things delivered, Lanna ran forward and then suddenly stopped short. Her eye had landed on a long box decorated with a smiling mop on the front. The bubbly letters on the front read, "_Happy Squiggles_ _Mop Emporium!"_ Below in smaller font the box declared, _"Every mop is a friend for all! ™" _  
Suddenly Lanna felt lightheaded and giddy. It was almost like slow motion that she raced to the box and ripped it open.  
There lay the most beautiful mop she'd ever seen, glistening with its mahogany handle and creamy white tentacles.  
"Oh, Potato," she whispered, and buried her lips in his moppiness.  
Chelsea and Denny walked by then, holding hands and swinging them back and forth. They stopped and stared at Lanna.  
Chelsea smiled. "This is why you're much better off with me," she told him, and they walked away.


	12. Disclaimer: I Don't Own HM or Barbie

Witch was feeling like the top of the world. No one had caught her in her scheme. She would lurk in the shadows of town, watching the people going crazy for mops. The current victim was Lanna; but as much fun as it was to see the snobby singer go crazy and tote around Potato the Mop, Witch had actually had an especially fun time watching Julia, because she'd been so darn serious. But now she seemed to have relaxed a bit. She wasn't crazy, but she wasn't crazy serious, either. She was having more fun, and this pleased the witch.  
Of course, when did Witch start bothering herself with human emotions?  
"Hey, Witch."  
She turned. The adorable new boy, Mark, stood behind her, smiling with his hands in his pockets.  
Oh, right.  
That was when she started bothering herself with human emotions.  
"Heya, Squirt," she said, swinging her legs down from the tree she was in and landing next to him. "How does the day go?"  
"Pretty well." He eyed her. "You wouldn't, uh, happen to have anything to do with the Crazy Epidemic going around, would you?"  
Before she could answer, there was a shower of blue-green glitter, and the Harvest Goddess materialized between them. "Of course she would," the goddess said haughtily, folding her porcelain-like arms and glaring at Witch. "She always does."  
Witch smiled mischievously and rolled her ruby eyes. "Just having fun, Ms. Goody Two-Shoes," she said lazily, picking a leaf off of her dress. "Forever is an awfully long time to busy yourself swimming. By the way, you're looking a little pruny."  
Harvest Goddess's face turned the color of the strawberries she so loved to, in Witch's eloquent wording, "make herself fat off of". "Why, you-" she said, then calmed and smirked. "Well, at least I don't have the face of a _frog,_" she said smugly.  
Now it was Witch's turn to flush. "Shut up, freak."  
"Ooh, ouch! Did that hurt?"  
"I'll show you the meaning of hurt!"  
"I daresay you _won't!_"  
"Daresay? What are you, a granny? I'll answer that- yeah, you are."  
"You're the one that _looks _like a granny!"  
"You're just jealous!"  
"Nuh-uh!"  
"Yuh-huh!"  
"Nuh-uh!"  
"Yuh-huh!"  
"Did someone say frogs?" chirped Witchkin, who had appeared unnoticed during the fight.  
"Nuh-uh!"  
"Yuh-_huh!"  
_Mark was looking a little pale. He appeared to be at a loss for words.  
Witch stomped over to him and latched onto his wrist. "Come on, Squirt, let's go somewhere there aren't so many pests," she snarled.  
"Oh, no you don't! For Mark's safety, I demand you let him go!" Harvest Goddess grabbed his other wrist.  
"Oh, yeah? Well, I wouldn't consider him safe with _you!_ You'd probably make him into one of your little dwarfs and work him to death like all the others!"  
"For your information, _missy, _they're called Harvest Sprites!"  
"Harvest Sprite, dwarf, what's the difference? I've heard them called goblins, vermin, and dish rag."  
"I've heard the same names for _you! _And anyway, _I'm _not the one who would do that. You would."  
"Make him into a dwarf? What, and please _you?_"  
"No! You'd probably make him into a teddy bear. Or a mop-loving FREAK like the rest of the people in town!" Harvest Goddess shrieked.  
Witch smirked and pulled Mark closer to her. "Ohh, you just called your people freaks. That would make them sad. Besides, I wouldn't transform Mark. I like him." And, because she really did like him, and especially because she new that the Harvest Goddess did, too, Witch planted a kiss right on his lips.  
"How _dare you?" _Harvest Goddess screamed, looked repulsed. Witch broke away to laugh jubilantly. "Wouldn't want to kiss him now, huh, Harvi?" she taunted, successfully pulling a dazedly-smiling Mark away from the goddess. "Not after I _sullied _him like that."  
With that she pranced away, taking Mark with her.  
Yep. On top of the world.

_Three Years Later_

"Daddy? Did Mommy really love a mop, once?"  
Elliot grinned down at his daughter, Kelly, and ruffled her pale hair. "Don't be silly, Kel," he lied, not wanting to upset his wife or child. But the thought made him smile. He remembered being so scared, but now he saw how ridiculous it was.  
Still, he got the chills whenever he saw a mop.  
Julia entered the room, smiling and putting rolls on the table. "Now, now, stop gossiping and help me set the table for dinner, 'kay?" she said, smiling. Kelly jumped to her feet and nodded, then toddled after her mother after flashing her father a happy smile.  
Elliot smiled back, and went to get the flowers. They were pansies, purple, petite, and tied with a pink bow. They'd been a gift from Vaughn, that jerk. He'd written a note saying, "For Julia, Because I Know They Are Her Favorite". He'd ripped it up and thrown it away before Julia saw it. But the pansies, well, they were pretty, and Sabrina had grown them herself. Waste not, want not.  
Elliot slipped them into a vase and put them in the center of the table. Moments later, his girls re-entered as well.  
Julia set down the last plate and helped Kelly into her seat. (Anyone think it's kinda funny that Julia looks sort of like a Barbie and she named her daughter Kelly? XD) It was only when she herself sat down did she notice the pansies.  
Suddenly a strange look passed across her face. "Uh, would you guys excuse me for a moment?" she said politely, then grabbed the vase and headed for the door.  
"Honey?" Elliot called after her, vaguely concerned.  
"They just need some water!" she called back cheerfully, and there was a slam as the front door shut behind her.  
Elliot and Kelly played a few games of I Spy before Kelly finally got worried and asked Daddy to go check on Mommy. Elliot consented and gave her a ribbon to play with while he was gone.  
Elliot stepped onto the porch and gazed up at the stars. The wind whispered by, ripping a few petals off of the pansies and fluttering them around his face.  
He lowered his eyes to where Julia sat on the porch, neatly eating the pansies and looking concerned. She jumped violently when Elliot sat down next to her.  
"Uh- uh-" She shoved the empty vase away from her and swallowed quickly. "They all flew away," she said lamely.  
Elliot smiled. Then laughed.  
"What?" Julia looked torn between frowning and smiling.  
"You ate them."  
"D-d-d-did not."  
"There's a petal on your chin." He removed it and laughed harder.  
Julia relented and smiled, too, though looking a little worried.  
"I'm not sure what's wrong with me," she confessed.  
Elliot grinned back.  
"There's nothing wrong with you," he waved off, and helped her to her feet. He took the last pansy from her hands ate it, and said, "See?"  
Julia laughed.  
As they walked inside, Elliot thought to himself, _Actually, that wasn't too bad.  
_Love. Crazy, isn't it?


End file.
